How to grow stronger after trauma

It’s normal to experience traumatic stress following a life crisis, loss, or setback. Whatever the cause of the stress, there are certain patterns to look out for.

You may feel shock, confusion, and fear, or feel numb or overwhelmed by conflicting emotions, sometimes all these emotions can happen at once. Traumatic stress can shake your sense of security, leaving you feeling helpless, alone, and vulnerable in a threatening world. You could feel physically and emotionally drained, overcome with grief, find it difficult to focus, sleep, or control your moods. But rest assured that you’re not alone in feeling this way, these are all normal responses to abnormal events.

There are three phases to this type of life event:

1. An ending

2. Confusion and distress

3. A new beginning

Phase number two is the time when we begin the healing process. It is also where the unpleasant physical symptoms can be overwhelming and troublesome emotions can begin to take over. The ‘Emerge plus’ process implements many different techniques at phase two, but there’s one particular self-care strategy that anyone can start straight away. It will aid recovery and assist in the coming to terms with the trauma that’s been experienced; regardless of whether the event happened personally or it was witnessed and experienced remotely, the aim is to calm your nervous system and regain your emotional balance – one key factor in this gaining control is to stimulate the vagus nerve – we’ll explore that in a moment, but first, let’s take a look at how we can be physically and emotionally affected by a traumatic event:

The physical and emotional effects of trauma

Memories, dreams, and flashbacks – You may experience distressing memories, dreams, or nightmares about the event.

Feeling upset when reminded of the event – You might become particularly upset and emotional when you are near where the event happened or in an environment that reminds you of the event.

Avoiding feelings and situations – You might avoid memories, thoughts, feelings, items, people, and places associated with the event.

Loss of memory – You might be unable to remember parts of the event.

Self-sabotaging emotions – These can include:

losing self-esteem and confidence,

feeling negative about yourself and others,

becoming unable to feel happiness, satisfaction, or love towards others

blaming yourself or others for what happened

experiencing negative emotions like fear, horror, anger, guilt or shame

Acting differently – These can include:

losing interest in things that you used to love doing

being on edge and on guard all the time

feeling detached from other people

acting in ways that are reckless or self-destructive

becoming snappy, angry, and aggressive towards people or objects

And the above all contribute to a whole raft of emotions, such as:

Shock and disbelief. You may have a hard time accepting the reality of what happened.

Fear. You might worry that the same thing will happen again, or be afraid of the implications associated with the crisis.

Sadness or grief. We can grieve over many different things – a business failing, losing friends and family, lifestyle changes, losing status and standing…

Helplessness. The shock of all these emotions hitting at once can leave you feeling vulnerable and helpless and trigger anxiety or depression.

Guilt. We might ruminate over what happened and whether we might be to blame in some way.

Anger. When disaster hits, it’s normal to feel anger and frustration.

Shame. Especially over feelings or fears that you can’t control.

So how can we begin to take back our control?

Over the next few weeks, I’ll discuss some of the processes, therapies, and exercises that form the backbone of the Emerge plus plan. Today, though, I’d like to highlight the importance of the Vagus nerve.

The vagus nerve starts in the brainstem, just behind the ears. It travels down each side of the neck, across the chest, and down through the abdomen. The vagus nerve links the brain with the stomach and digestive tract, the lungs, heart, spleen, intestines, liver, and kidneys, as well as important nerves that are involved in speech, eye contact, facial expressions, and even your ability to tune in to other people’s voices. It is made of thousands and thousands of fibres and 80 percent of them are sensory, this means that the vagus nerve sends messages back to your brain about what is going on in your organs.

Operating below the level of our conscious minds, the vagus nerve is vital for keeping our bodies healthy. It is an essential part of the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for calming organs after the stressed ‘fight-or-flight’ adrenaline response to danger.

The strength of your vagus response is known as your vagal tone. Every time you breathe in, your heart beats faster in order to speed the flow of oxygenated blood around your body. Breathe out and your heart rate slows. This variability is one of many things regulated by the vagus nerve, which is active when you breathe out but suppressed when you breathe in, so the bigger your difference in heart rate when breathing in and out, the higher your vagal tone.

Increasing the vagal tone is the key to calming your whole nervous system down and taking back control

There’s been lots of research surrounding this important nerve and what’s become clear is how very important the vagal tone is. Here’s how you can increase vagal tone now:

Vagal Tone Exercises

In terms of practical improvements, practising self-caring meditative techniques are among the most effective non-invasive methods of improving your vagal tone. Here are a few suggestions:

Valsalva manoeuvre. The Valsalva manoeuvre increases pressures inside the nasal sinuses, especially in the chest cavity. The elevated chest pressure stimulates the vagus nerve and increases vagal tone. Here’s how to perform it: Hold your nose, close your mouth, and try to blow the air out. This creates pressure in your chest that may activate the vagus nerve. Sitting or squatting may help. Try it for 10 seconds.

Humming: Humming has a strong effect on the vagus nerve. Try combining humming with yogic/meditative breathing. Take deep, slow breaths in through the nose, and hum as you slowly breathe out. Focus on the vibrations of your hum in your ribs, your throat, your mouth, and your cranium. Repeat until you feel relaxed. An alternative that has been the subject of research would be to make the ‘OM’ sound.

Cold Water: The simple method of plunging your face for 30-60 seconds into icy water lowers the heart rate and increases vagal tone. This promotes what is known as the ‘diving reflex’. The vagus nerve orders your heart rate to slow in order to conserve oxygen. It’s capable of rapidly addressing feelings of anxiety, panic, stress, and body-wide inflammation as well as elevating moods. A large zip-lock plastic bag, filled with ice or ice cubes and applied from the scalp line to the lips will perform as well.

Meditation: The vagus nerve can be powerfully stimulated by meditation. There are many meditative techniques, and finding the right one for you may take a little bit of trial and error. When you find the one for you, regularly practised meditation will quickly improve your vagal tone. If you’re new to meditating, try this simple technique:

This meditation exercise is an excellent introduction to meditation techniques.

Sit or lie comfortably.
Close your eyes.
Make no effort to control the breath; simply breathe naturally.
Focus your attention on the breath and on how the body moves with each inhalation and exhalation. Notice the movement of your body as you breathe. Observe your chest, shoulders, rib cage, and belly. Simply focus your attention on your breath without controlling its pace or intensity. If your mind wanders, return your focus back to your breath.

Maintain this meditation practice for two to three minutes to start, and then try it for longer periods.

By stimulating the vagus nerve, you can send a message to your body that it’s time to relax and de-stress, which leads to long-term improvements in mood, wellbeing, and resilience. Increasing your vagal tone can be the first step in taking control following a trauma, setback, or loss.

Emerge plus is a six-day reorientation plan that helps people who are experiencing difficult, painful, or confusing times following loss, trauma, or setbacks.

The process is a unique blend of techniques delivered in a 12-step journey of discovery and spiritual enlightenment, leading ultimately to self-fulfillment, self-confidence, focus, motivation, and self-love