There must be darkness so that light may shine.
When faced with a devastating crisis, a traumatic loss, or a life-altering event, Post-Trauma Transformation (PTT) and growth can occur only when there’s acceptance. Now, I don’t mean accepting that the trauma was deserved, or accepting the unjustness or shock of it, however, there are at least three basic principles of acceptance necessary for our well-being:
- Accept life in its totality or the whole of life, not just the parts we want to keep hold of;
- The whole is always made up of opposites, such as good and evil, positive and negative; and
- Opposites depend on or complement each other, for example, light depends on the existence of darkness.
Acceptance is the necessary first step towards transforming negative experiences into positive motivations and personal growth, through Yin-Yang understanding. Mindful acceptance helps us to increase our awareness and regulate our negative emotions, by accepting that our present suffering is part of a bigger picture – an evolutionary phase – we can begin to grow.
Looking at the whole as the Chinese Taijitu – the yin/yang symbol, we can begin to understand that we should embrace good and evil, happiness and sadness, up and down, light and darkness, as two sides of the same coin. if we do, we naturally practice the virtues of temperance and the practical wisdom of balance.
Yin is characterized as inward energy that is feminine, still, dark, and negative. On the other hand, yang is characterized as outward energy, masculine, hot, bright, and positive. Their co-existence and interplay is the very essence of life and is ever-present, it is everywhere in nature. Focusing only on one part of life is a half-truth; there cannot be a shadow without light.
Recognition of the reality of evil necessarily relativizes the good, and the evil likewise, converting both into two halves of a paradoxical whole.
C. G. Jung
As painful as it may seem sometimes, human flourishing requires the integration of both negative and positive aspects of life. And it is within the darkness that we find the direction, courage and strength to change things for the better. And this has been spoken about for centuries, take this excerpt from the Tao:
When people see some things as beautiful,
Other things become ugly.
When people see some things as good,
Other things become bad.
Being and non-being create each other.
Difficult and easy support each other.
Long and short define each other.
High and low depend on each other.
Before and after follow each other.
Your challenges can be your personal trainer
In life, we often grow and transform positively when faced with a challenge.
Let’s take a look at sport in this context; if we play tennis and we play the same opponent all the time or even play the same standard of opponent each time we play. We will never improve and stay at the same level.
Only by playing someone of greater ability or a higher standard do we stretch ourselves and push ourselves to become better.
In life, a person can be going through a personal crisis or trauma. The struggle, pain, and soul-searching can be the catalyst for an awakening that can, in turn, usher in a new perspective on life, bringing fresh opportunities, enabling them to seek fulfilment again. In striving to be fulfilled and emerge stronger from the struggle, the person experiences post-trauma growth and transformation. On the other hand, if the same person were to shy away from the trauma, accepting their lot in life and not confront the emotions of it, this would result in them staying fixed in the same destructive and sabotaging mindset.
To accept the trauma has happened, to take a look at it from a different perspective, to learn from it and try to have an open mind about it….then, this can completely alter the experience to one of becoming something meaningful.
Emerge plus is a six-day reorientation plan that helps people who are experiencing difficult, painful or confusing times following loss, trauma or setbacks.
The process is a unique blend of techniques delivered in a 12-step journey of discovery and spiritual enlightenment, leading ultimately to self-fulfilment, self-confidence, focus, motivation, and self-love